Watching horror films can be an enlightening experience and there’s definitely valuable lessons to be learned.
- The first 3 come from Randy in Scream: Don’ have sex, don’t do drink or do drugs and never EVER say ‘I’ll be right back’ because you won’t be back.
- The Evil Dead, Cabin in the Woods and countless other films have told me to stay for away from cabins in the middle an isolated forest.
- Don’t be a vlogger. Documenting your life through a video medium NEVER ends well. The whole found footage genre has made sure of that.
- Children are evil. Ok, not all children, but just make sure that the child you’re faced with isn’t the child of satan or actually a middle aged woman who’s disguised herself as a child in attempts to kill you.
- Speaking of kids; don’t baby sit on Halloween. Lauri Strode did that once and it didn’t end well.
- Haunted house? Just hope it goes away. There’s no point trying to get rid of the entity, you’ll just piss it off. If you can move, then do it. But it might follow you. Sorry, not much help there.
- Finally, when faced with a psychopathic serial killer, accept your fate. If you’re male, like I am, you’re not gonna be the last one standing. Not unless there’s a chance that the girl who will inevitably survive will help you out and save your backside.
Just remember these rules tomorrow if you encounter anything right out of a Wes Craven flick.